Dead yet alive

You glide
with the breeze
then sit still
so dead

Vibrant orange 

and yellow

alive

in my head

You whisk

across concrete

then stop

down the block

Your brothers

and sisters

amass

on the walk

How can something

once living

now awaiting

decay

Bring pleasure

so lovely

so vivid

in display

This carcass

still moving

alive

to the eye

Feels empty

so vacant

with longing

to soon die

Long strides 

down the alley

slowed pace

heavy steps

With memories 

of life

of thrills

of regrets

To others

such presence

with poise

belies

Not one to be 

messed with

yet kind

in the eyes

The leaf that I see

I know what 

your death

holds

That last chance 

to dazzle

to reveal

natures gold

So know that 

I see you

I love what

you give

Your best show

your last show

your reminder

to still live.

This right here

There seems to be a time
of day or night
when the noises fade
and you're left with just
silence.

Platitudes and wishes
rooted in traditions of
yesterday
or millennia past
long since

devoid of deity
usefulness
flavour
thrown in on occasion
to warm
but instead anger.

Grinding pressures
conflicted dreams
unrelenting demands
every angle
shadow
corner

glimmers fade
shimmers stop
skies darken
glances around
seeking some hope
of happiness
of fulfillment

One last bright spot
innocent
vibrant
loving
effervescent

Now distant and unseen
silent
without a word
just a symbol
alive
not speaking

agony for what
must be felt
thought
forever changed
inside her
being

Whatever could be
lived for
found meaning or
fulfillment in
now seems
lost.

The smile in the minds
of friends
of family
weighed for worth
against the price
paid for persistent
pain
too high
a cost.

This
right here
right now
is the point.

Deep breath
inhale
slowly let it
leak out.

Inner words
form the framework
of what
will keep me
alive.

Today
I drink
I choose
to stay.

Today
this pain
this silent birthday
will not define
me.

There will be more.
There will be love.
There will be joy.
There will be happiness.
There will be laughter.

This mantra I must repeat.
For I choose
to live
to define success
as another day
here
to be who I am
determined to be

The loving father
doting dad
fan
supporter
confidante
guide

I cannot be
all of these
today
But one day
I will
So today
I choose
to live.