Alone

Trembling
Alone
Heart wide open
No one's home

Reaching
Just air
Face to cry
No one's there

Wanting
Anything
Arms around
Nothing

Eyes
Closing
Head
Dropping
Mind
Failing
Heart
Falling

Desire to feel
Wanted
Long to touch
Haunted
Hope to love
Taunted
Dream to escape
Knotted

So
Unutterably
Alone

Mind of motion

So whimsical
Flippant

Careless
Stroll

Being angel
Demon
Child
Troll

So haunting
Euphoric
Despondent
Soul

Feeling deep water
Raging fire
Numbing ice
Bottomless hole

Facets
Layers
Pieces
Seemingly unconnected

Thoughts
Values
Beliefs
Held so close, rejected

Seconds
Minutes
Hours
Days collected

Weeks
Months
Years
Life reflected

Questions
Dreams
Regrets
Endless gratitude

Darkness
Joy
Psychosis
My recent mood

Fragile
Exuberant
Precious
Sometimes rude

Moving
Decisive
Unrelenting
Mind unglued

So many goals
Desires
Dreams
Destiny unfulfilled

So many choices
Steps
Turns
Sweat to be spilled

Inward smile
Sigh
Gleam
Heart enormously filled

My bright future
My dear daughter
My open world
My life to rebuild

I am the mover
I am the guide
I am the father
I am the tide

It is my love to find
It is my love to hold
It is my heart to unwind
It is my heart to unfold

Everything that I am
All the hidden parts
Finally seeing daylight, sunshine
Today my future starts

Former lovers, friends, family
Guardians of my past
Bear witness to my dream of dreams
My legacy that will last

She is the one
For whom this counts
The one whose eyes
I see

I truly live
So fully breathed
So vibrant and full
So very
Truly
Me

Holding on by a thread...

It weaves it tiny way though
Soul, body, and mind
Meandering around and then into
Places the eye cannot find

Pulling, binding, holding
Irreverent to all that it meets
Without regard to present toil
So stubborn, it never retreats

The singular thought
The one guiding notion
The dream of the heartest of hearts
So tightly it holds
So desperate to stay
So conscious of all of its parts

This only lonely thread
The one constant pain
Reminding of all still bereft
What holds me together
This tortured thin vine
Seems now to be all I have left

So to this I hold
This deepest of ties
My only connection thereto
My dearest young treasure
Her unbridled future
My soul
My body
My mind
Stay true

Oyster's life...

exhale
stillness

movement above
swirling patterns
chaotic
not mine
other's

me
the oyster
settled
buried
hidden
treasure inside
growing
slowly
beautiful
priceless

so many searching
fishing
fighting waves
wind
desperate
not to drown

I smile
exhale
eyes close
knowing
the treasure
is
me

In the dark...

silence
hand moving in front of my face
unseen
serene

silence
so this is what it's like
here
in the dark

waiting for me
always here
waiting
for me
to see
nothing

that
from which I have run

that
which holds so much

that
which sees no sun

that
which is to teach
so much

so here i am
finally
at peace

in the dark

Open Door...

so there it is, open
looking at it
through it
see only far enough
the first step

pausing to remember
a lifetime of steps
bringing me here

your face
many faces
one little face
smiling
radiant

body
feet
prepare

mind
races

heart
heavy

for many I step
for myself I pause

forever
I will be known

for this step

Where I find you...

And there you were, refreshed from your slumber in the back of my mind. Awakened by my heart reaching for your touch, your voice in my ear.

The trigger was the sight across the way to an apartment where a young woman hugged her stooped grandmother. Pure love, holding each other in an embrace that time would never fully erase. And there you were...

My mouth uttered the words that said how much my entire being yearned to just be in your presence one more time "I miss you so much". Wished to be accepted, to be pushed, to be unconditionally loved. To just be...

At such a turbulent time, when so many things have yet to be found, your reassurance that all will be well would be so precious. Yet your voice was heard "LIVE!" 58 years... such an injustice. Such a loss.

So sleep again, my dear Mother, and return again to me as you wish. Look with love and protection over your grand daughter. She pours out love with a touch that melts me, hugs that soothe me, and a dear little kiss that lets me know I have done one heavenly thing in this life.

Until I find you again...